V.

Earlier today
I thought about all of the times Amy would French braid my hair
on mornings when I was hungover and had to go to work.

I don’t know if it was the pressure against my scalp that made me feel better

Or the idea that if I were to vomit, no one would feel like theyd have to hold my hair back.

Cause no pressure. Or anything.

My mother always told me ever since I was 9 and having friendship issues at a catholic school every night. Crying on the faded floral couch with my bowl of too hot to eat progresso soup.

That was back when I liked to put ice cubes in the bowl and watch it do its magic.

Shed say, “you have friends for different things, em.”

"Sometimes, if youre really lucky, you have friends you can do everything with”

You were right Ma

Sometimes
I think about tattooing my entire body with quotes

that remind me to love. To stay sane. To feel. For the rest of my life.

Sometimes I think the tattoo that I have quoted on my underarm
put a curse on me to do the exact opposite of what it says

I wrote down personal things on this scrap piece of paper at my third job and im sort of anxious about not being able to find it.

Maybe his phone died.

Maybe im done for now.

Thanks for listening.