Its like, well, purgatory

its like, im supposed to be sleeping.
im supposed to be sleeping, worrying, dreaming nightmares or something.
its like
im
supposed to be
all these things.
but what i am.

its like ive forgotten things.
like how to be a human being.
like how to have patience with myself,   how to breathe.
all i can care about are things from back then      because back then, i knew things.
    and wasnt feeling so            purgatory.
its like im laying in a cemetery, in the sun and i.   well like, i love it. ..but.  well i,    i mine as well be dead.
             and dead as in, well,        purgatory.

and its like im getting a beer- because i let him down when i got that cider
                                       i mean. i   was     full and all, but,
  when i got that beer,   the room was so small. we made a circle and it was big enough but
the small things stayed small.
and we felt small.
  and it was all small talk
because we all knew it as just another waiting room
                     for the purgatory.
    and for their friends.
but our feet were touching
and it was something  even if we apologized later for it

its like, how im trying to think of that day   without thought
  and rolling my windows down
 and numb lips and eyelids   from the cold.
 
and how i forgot to know you
  but i thought i knew you        because you were always there
                                                                            when   i   wasnt,    there
and its like, im thinking again,
but im really just    sinking    in it all
and by all   i mean,      you know,   purgatory.

but its   like,   so off  topic.
   and  im  like,    so lost.
when its  really   like,     i  should  be   sleeping.
                                                                 or something.

Let It Crust

I make piles with my life,
throw glitter on it
                     and don't clean it up.

   Let it crust.

Until the wind blows it away,
                                       that is.